The Road to Hell

Yes, I am fully aware that this is a rotten title for a blog about cemeteries but it's part of a bigger cliche about how "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". It seems that when a family tries to make cemetery arrangements by themselves without the aid of a funeral home and funeral director more often than not that road ends in my office.

Sure, it's only one phone call to confirm a date & time for their service in addition to making sure their departed loved one actually has a space here to be laid to rest. This sounds very simple. The families that try to do this on their own -and 99% of the time it's for a cremation- seldom put all the pieces together properly. They figure their expenses and responsibilities are all at the funeral home for the actual cremation and that's it. Done.

Oh, so wrong. They have forgotten:
1. The cemetery service fee (colloquially known as "the opening/closing fee"). Sometimes this is paid in advance... more often than not, it isn't and it's due the day of the service.
2. Clergy do not magically know that there's a service to be done and just appear at the cemetery ready to pray. They need to be contacted. They also enjoy being paid/tipped.
3. Military honors are not guaranteed, automatic or arranged by the cemetery.
4. We do not have "extra" flags for your military service
5. We will not call a restaurant for you and arrange for your funeral luncheon or dinner.
6. We do not control the weather. Please do not complain if the ground is muddy after a rainstorm or melting snow

These are just a few items that families tend to miss when they try to do this on their own. I understand that in many cases trying to take the wheel and guide the family through the funeral is their own way of dealing with grief. That's fine. BUT, if you're going to do that, save yourself extra stress and grief by doing it right. Ask the funeral home as many questions as you can about what to do and when. They will help you. It's their job! Ask me as many questions as you can about what the cemetery does. I will help you. It's my job!

My case study for this:
A few years ago a family walked in with an aunt's urn. "Here's so-and-so" they said. I asked, "Have you made any arrangements for the service to be done?" The family answered, "Nope. Here's the papers. Bye!" and walked out. Seriously. There I was with the cremated remains of dear auntie so-and-so on my desk. At least the family had (most of) the paperwork I needed. I did some research and found out that she did indeed own a niche space here and her service fee had been paid in advance. All we needed to do was put her inside the niche. I double-checked with the funeral home anyway and they apologized for the family's rather dismissive behavior: it seems this nephew had been saddled with the responsibility to "take care of this" and did exactly that as if he were running an errand. I guess I can't blame him...
but a phone call in advance would have been nice.

So, to anyone out there who wants to "take care of things" on their own in regards to burying a loved one -or not so loved, I guess- make a couple phone calls & ask all the questions you like for your own sanity, for that of the funeral home & cemetery involved and most of all, out of respect for the deceased.

-CG